Vigilante Training 101
by The Real F'n Scorp
Summary: Light learns that if he is going to become Batman, he needs to think like Batman. A gift!fic for Captain Zangano.


**A/N:** Hello m'dears… and welcome!

This is a gift!fic for the wonderful Captain Zangano to say thank you for your friendship, your support, and your encouragement!

**Disclaimer:** I own nada but my horrible sense of humor and idea :) apologies if the characters are not completely as they should be...

**S/N**: This story is based off one of Captain's stories: **Vigilante**

* * *

Light nicknamed Nightwing the _man-of-a-thousand-torture-techniques-masquerading-as-training-seminars _after the sadistic taskmaster had him:

March up a mountain in the freezing cold wearing nothing but training pants while carrying a huge pack of gear on his back (he'd only gotten frost bite and pneumonia from that bout of training).

Dive into a burning building in order to rescue some people who'd gotten trapped by the blaze (he'd received first degree burns, passed out from smoke inhalation and needed saving by Batgirl that time).

Run through a maze in order to deactivate one of those ridiculous riddle traps of the Riddler's before he could fry some politician (he'd ended up short circuiting the system and frying half of the power in Gotham).

Swim through an underwater channel to deactivate a bomb planted beneath a hospital (he'd gotten caught in a trap and needed Nightwing to rescue him while Red Robin stopped the bomb from exploding).

And the final (and Light thought the absolute worst) was to urban climb up the side of a building in order to stop some guy threatening to blow up an orphanage in the city if his lover wasn't released from Blackgate (that resulted in a sprained ankle and Nightwing having to do the job himself while Light laid there and listened to Ryuk laughing uproariously at his inability to "get two feet off the ground.")

Now, his torment-er _trainer,_ he mentally corrected, had come up with a whole new way in which to remind Light that fighting crime was a physical business. As if the bruises on top of the bruises still on his backside from his failed attempt at edificeering weren't enough of a reminder. He tested the pole with his hand, found the wood to be as smooth as silk. He tried to climb it as Nightwing had showed him...

...only to slide right back down as soon as both feet were off the ground.

"Hey, Light?" Ryuk asked as Light studied the twenty-five foot high pole with a frown. "How come it's taking you so long to learn how to become Batman?"

A scathing look was the only answer he gave before he went back to his goal of figuring out how to get to the flag at the top of that pole with the least amount of trouble (and injury). The Shinigami was nonplussed at his glare and continued talking (much to Light's vexation).

"You decided you were going to play Batman," he pointed out while spinning in his computer chair.

"I know that."

"Well, doesn't that mean you need to be able to do more than just dress up in his suit, use his toys and ride around in his Batmobile?"

Light glared at Ryuk. "It's just taking a bit longer than expected is all."

"Hyuk. Why don't you just admit that you make a terrible Batman?"

Light decided that he needed to go about researching how to muzzle a Shinigami. He got back up and planted his fists upon his hips while he worked out what exactly he was doing wrong.

Ryuk bounced around in his chair and peered at him with wide, hopeful eyes. "Do you think we can ask Nightwing if he will take us out in the Batboat next?"

"No."

"Please?" he whined. "I really want to take a ride in the Batboat before he decides to kick you out of here for being a bad Batman."

_Scrap the muzzle_, Light decided as he again approached the poll. He was just going to find a way to ship the Shinigami off to Siberia. Ten minutes later, however, Light was no closer to figuring out how exactly he was to climb that pole without sliding back down as soon as he got a few inches off the ground.

"Hey, uh, Light," Ryuk called out. "What's it mean when humans say _give up while you're ahead?"_

Light ignored him and just sat on the ground in front of the pole.

"Perhaps you should examine what Nightwing said, sir," Alfred suggested politely.

Light peered up at him, thankful that Ryuk had stopped spinning in his chair (though a haunted Batcave might be a workable explanation...), and scratching his nose with the tip of one finger. "He said to get the flag at the top of the pole."

Alfred nodded and Light saw there was a slight twinkle in his eyes. "Yes, but he did not say _how_ you needed to get the flag down, now did he?"

And with that final parting comment, the butler turned and exited the cave. Light watched him, wondering what he meant. Then a bulb went on inside Light's head. _Of_ _course! _he thought.

It took him most of the night, and required quite a lot of tools in order to pull off, but it was worth it when Nightwing entered the cave the following morning to find that the pole had been chopped into thirty neat piles of firewood. The flag Light proudly displayed from the back of his Lay-Z-Boy chair.

"I see that you managed to retrieve the flag," Nightwing said with a certain degree of pride in his voice. Or maybe it was just that Light had finally managed to show that he was good at something _other_ than computers.

"You said that I was to get the flag down," Light said with a smug grin. "But you didn't say how I was supposed to do it."

"No, I didn't say how you were to get the flag down," Nightwing agreed with a small smirk. "That was the point of the lesson."

Light goggled at him. "What?"

Ryuk laughed. "You sweated over how to get that flag for nothing!"

Light vowed to get even with the Shinigami. For the moment he just continued glaring at the masked man. "And what am I supposed to have learned from this lesson?" he gritted.

"If you are going to be Batman," the older hero explained patiently. "Then you need to think like Batman. He always fought smarter, not harder." He turned away, but not before saying, "I cut the pole down, too." Light felt his left eye twitch, but Nightwing continued on, not disturbed in the least by the looks of death his back was getting. "And now that you _are_ thinking like Batman, the real training can begin."

Light gulped. "Real training?"

That didn't sound... good. A fact which Ryuk helpfully pointed out to him.

"Hey, Light," Ryuk said. "I think you should throw in the towel before you end up in a wheelchair."

At the end of the day Light vowed to not only ship the Shinigami off to Siberia, but to send the newly dubbed _Torturer-of-Light_ right along with him.


End file.
